5 SUBTLE WAYS WOMEN ARE SELF-SABOTAGING

I’m here for some straight talking today, folks. I want you to imagine that we are sitting over coffee together and you are in need of a particular kind of pep talk - the one where you need a sisterly word in your ear about how much you are sabotaging and protecting yourself and holding yourself back. That’s the tone I want to take here - so if you’re up for it - pull up that chair. Get your americano ready and let’s get down to it.

In all the work I’ve done with women of all ages and backgrounds over the last decade, there have been some emerging themes of self-sabotage that I have seen with my own eyes; some particular ways that I see brilliant women like you and I tripping ourselves up repeatedly over and over again.

Firstly, I want to lovingly say that this is the stuff of being human. These ways that we minimise ourselves, hand over power, get swept up and let fear lead the way – these things do not make you faulty – they make you human. The first step to being able to move beyond them into a truer sense of who you are is owning them; acknowledging that this stuff is real for you - that it actually is something that you might need to consider. That’s a biggie. So I want you to hear this with an open mind, willing to see where it is that you might recognise yourself - being honest with yourself but also knowing that you also dont need to shame yourself either..

So let’s jump in. There are five ways that I have repeatedly seen women sabotaging their own fulfilment and desires and holding back the progress of their own growth:

1) Assuming there is not enough room for you.

Somewhere along the way, we have been fed the lie that when we see someone else doing something we would love to do that it automatically disqualifies us from doing it. Somewhere along the way we have picked up the message that there is not enough room for our version of the same thing. Somewhere along the way we have decided that if someone else is doing it, they now have the monopoly and they must be doing it better. In addition to that, we often fold in the double whammy lie that if we do decide to do something similar that people will think we are copying, we’ll be unlikable, talked about and thought of as a fraud or second rate. So we shut the idea down immediately, tuck in back in our safe zone, we retreat and let resentment and jealousy wash over us.

When we think like this, we are operating out of a scarcity mindset. This is the mindset that says that there is not enough space for us all to move around and be ourselves. This is the mindset that has us moving through the world believing that everything is a race, that competition is rife and that spaces for creativity, fulfilment and innovation are limited.

What we need are women who are willing to see past these lies, who give themselves permission to learn, try and grow and create environments for others to do the same. When we assume there is a limited amount of room for women to do the things that they are drawn to, we make the world smaller for ALL women when in reality, we have an unlimited amount of space to expand and stretch as we need to.

SOME WAYS WE CAN COUNTERACT THIS:

Acknowledge your own desires. Write them down and then tell a trusted friend. Do some light research on the thing. Practice your craft or your offering. Arrange to meet up with someone who triggers jealousy or scarcity in you. Reach out to them and tell them how brilliantly they are doing.

2) Recruiting other women to your pain.

The second way I see women self-sabotaging (and this is a biggie) is by recruiting other people to our pain. We’ve all been there on one side or the other. Wounded people tend to want to rally other people to their cause. If we have been wronged by another woman, misunderstood or failed – the temptation is to bring our people along for the ride. We want solidarity in our pain, to have an ally. Real alliance does not look like taking down the sisterhood because of our own fears or pain.

A few months ago I was faced with this. Someone I love had been hurt by another woman and they were in pain. They were so consumed with their own discomfort over it that they wanted me to join them. They really tried to get me in there in the pit with them. There was even a moment when they couldn’t see past themselves and tried to give me my own (personal) reason to join them in their annoyance, but I could see what was happening and I was able to call it out.

My friend responded so bravely and quickly realised what she was doing. We talked it out so she felt understood and seen without adding more pain to the mix.

Don’t look for solidarity in bringing other women down. Stop trying to find someone to dislike the same people as you. One of the most powerful ways that patriarchy can thrive in our world today is when women turn on each other and recruit each other to sides. We can disagree, we can find fault, we can be hurt and hurt back, but let’s not try to grab each other in from the sidelines to join in our pain. This is the kind of sabotage that ripples out and breeds insecurity like a disease.

SOME WAYS WE CAN COUNTERACT THIS:

Give other women the benefit of the doubt when you hear things about them. Deal with your own pain. Redirect conversations that would tempt you to get involved in petty talk or that try to drag you into mutual disdain for someone. Challenge negative talk. Be obnoxiously supportive of other women.

 3) We are not taking ourselves seriously.

Another subtle way I can see women self-sabotaging is by seriously underestimating themselves. I can see clearly where this comes from: if we take ourselves seriously, invest in things, put ourselves out there and it doesn’t work out – then we have egg on our face and everyone will know. If we stay in the shallow, never invest fully, never talk about our offerings with any intensity or authority then we stay safe. No one can shame us.  

The thing about not taking ourselves seriously is that we never move from that place. There is nowhere to go from here. We are stuck. And that stuck-ness will eventually spill out into resentment, frustration, grief and heartache. We will never realise our fuller potential. We will never fail and learn. We will never find the true fulfilment that comes from giving things our best shot and growing along the way.

If you are not investing in your own betterment, if you are shying away from opportunities that will bring discomfort, if you are downplaying what you do or hiding it away from the world – fulfilment is going to be a really hard reach for you. There is rarely any comfort to be found in growth. Take yourself seriously. Take your own growth and fulfillment seriously and watch how you evolve.

SOME WAYS WE CAN COUNTERACT THIS:

Invest in yourself; even something small. Take a course, join a facebook group, book into a workshop, tell people about your products or services. Eliminate minimising language from how you talk about what you do: “my little business” or “just my side-hustle”. 

4) Making our minds up about what other people will pay for, engage with or buy.

We are SO good at assuming we know what people are thinking. We are EXCELLENT at making up whole scenarios and thought processes about how we will be perceived, what other people’s buying habits are, their budgets, their interests, aren’t we?

Some of us are so quick to write off our own ideas, sabotaging them before they get out of the gate that we have never let our ideas out into the air to breathe so they stay within us, choking us up. Let me tell you, there is a whole WORLD out there of people who need to hear what you have to say, who may need to hear things from your perspective to find healing, who may need to engage with your product to find a solution to their problems.

The ever-expanding ways that people are able to consume or connect with things in the world today means that we just cannot write off who might be interested in what we have to offer. If there is something burning in your soul that you feel drawn to put out into the world, you owe it to yourself to set it free. We cannot control who buys it or who can afford it or if it will sell – we simply have to be true to the thing that we are being called to do.

SOME WAYS WE CAN COUNTERACT THIS:

Do your research! Ask your target market about the things you are considering offering. Use social media to build community and offer value to the people in your orbit. GET SOME INFORMATION! Stay curious and open to possibilities. Stay true to your pricing. Don’t look around at what other people are charging for things (they could have major issues around this stuff as well!) – figure out what you want to offer, how much it costs you to make or produce and what you want to be paid and then ASK FOR IT!  

Finally… 

5) Being consumed by perfectionism.

Oh my goodness, I get this one. I totally do. I am a recovering perfectionist that relapses all the tiem. It is hard work. It has cost me a lot to be consumed with perfection and striving.

Let me give you a little example: A few years ago I finally decided to turn some of my favourite coaching resources into a download PDF  to sell on my website. I spent ages going through the content, compiling it and converting it into a PDF. I agonised over fonts and settings and colours. Finally I let it out into the world and a bunch of people bought it! I made some money from it!

Then I went through it again recently and you know what – there’s a whole paragraph missing on one of the pages. A whole freaking paragraph, just sitting there, half written.

Four years ago this would have crippled me and kept me up at night – hopelessly obsessed that people would think I was a fraud, that I was unprofessional, that I wasn’t to be trusted (the drama of my inner critic is obscene). Four years ago me would have taken it down from my website right away and had it redone and made a big public apology to all my readers and resent it to them again.

This time, I just cringed and then laughed. Of course there was a mistake in it! It was 80 pages long and I’m not a professional editor. It’s one tiny paragraph and it doesn’t take anything away from the overall goodness of the book. It’s still on my website, still for sale, in all it’s imperfect glory. 

If you are waiting around for the perfect website, perfect branding, perfect whatever before even dipping your toe in the waters of the thing you want to do then can I please encourage you to stop that and just start. This perfectionism is a guise for hiding. This need to get everything just ‘so’ before you present it to the world is wasting your precious life minutes and is just fear showing up in a different outfit.

SOME WAYS WE CAN COUNTERACT THIS:

Set yourself deadlines for doing things and STICK TO THEM! No more pushing back timings because of polishing things endlessly. If something feels too big and you’re really not ready, find a smaller way to get it out there in the time being. Go for good enough when you can. Don’t be a slave to an algorithm. Try and inject some spontaneity into your day. Look back and reflect on how far you have come. Make a point to celebrate small milestones. Remember your own humanity and the humanity of others. Give yourself a freaking break.

What's your Method of Hiding? Part 1: Perfectionism

As I was preparing and planning for what I wanted to cover in this next season of 2022, I started thinking about some of the common things that are keeping us from building courage and being brave.

Through my work coaching women running businesses I’ve had a pretty good front row seat to all of the sneaky ways that I see fear showing up and keeping us from sharing our work, our ideas and our thoughts.

So I thought it would be a good time to dig into some of these common methods of hiding that maybe you can identify with. Some of them are pretty obvious, but today I want to start with one that I know all too well – it’s one of my most common methods of hiding that I use to protect me from vulnerability and it’s also a really sneaky one for women (I’ll explain in a bit) and that, my friends, is perfectionism.

I know are women listening to this podcast who have important messages to share but whose self-doubt and fear is keeping them quiet or hidden. I know there are women listening to this podcast who think maybe think that perfectionism doesn’t relate to them. 

I know that so many of us are caught up in the myth that we needs to be more something – more qualified, more prepared, more expert, more influential, more polished – than we are in order to share our ideas or work or to try and develop something that we really want to....

SO BEFORE WE TALK SPECIFICALLY ABOUT PERFECTIONISM AS A METHOD OF HIDING, LET’S GET INTO A LITTLE BIT OF BACKGROUND.

In historical patriarchal culture, down through the centuries: women have been excluded from political, public, and professional life. We have not (and continue to not be) considered in legislation/voting, policies, pay discrepancies, lack of legal protections, and the denial of women’s basic rights.

All of these external exclusions through the years has absolutely had internal effects in women. It has shaped how we think of ourselves and what we see as possible for our lives and work. It shaped our fears – fears of speaking up, of rocking the boat, of not pleasing others because often our livelihoods and safety actually did depend on us being small and quiet and keeping the status quo.

One of the mechanisms of actual protection for us has been hiding; whether we recognise it or not. We have hidden ourselves, our ideas, our talents for survival instincts. To avoid conflict, or criticism or any kind of emotional exposure that might cost us, we have hidden.

The result is we people-please, use language that is softer to avoid being singled out and essentially we have not felt fully free to take action in our own lives. The cost of doing this is really high.

So along with some of the more obvious ways we continue to hide in that hangover of exclusion and desire for safety, I want to also address some of the more evolved ways that we are hiding, the ones that don’t necessarily risk our physical safety any more, but that absolutely do risk our emotional safety.

I want to try to expose some of the ways that we might not realise we are hiding so we can start to think a little bit about how that is manifesting in our own lives so we can begin to come out of hiding and live a bit more freely and fully.

Perfectionism is the sneakiest of these – because on the surface, it actually shows up as productive. And productivity feels proactive. But often that acute sense of overcorrecting, overplanning, over editing, over attentive work is actually keeping us from letting our ideas or products or services out there into the wild to be seen, noticed and to breathe.

Adding on, overcomplicating and endless polishing perfecting can really be avoidance. Instead of putting something out there that is good enough; maybe it’s a website that we think needs all the bells and whistles. Maybe it’s a product we are making that we think needs professional photography before we share about it. Maybe it’s a business idea we think we need 3 offerings within before we launch it to people.

We can build as we go, start somewhere and take a small leap that can propel you into action. Beginning is better than perfect. Perfect never comes so we need to start somewhere and keep having a learning attitude, an evolving attitude to whatever it is we are doing.

Brene Brown talks about perfectionism being a 20 ton shield we lug around trying to protect us when in fact it’s really preventing us from being seen.

Perfectionism is an guise we often use to guard ourselves from all angles – covering all of the bases extra extra carefully by busying ourselves over minutiae, spending endless time agonising over how things look or sound and trying to combat any potential criticism before it comes.

It also leads us into a vicious cycle of shame, because it is positioned as a noble quality, something to strive for when actually it’s not only impossible to achieve, but if we fixate on it and inevitably find that no matter how much effort we put in, we are met with any kind of criticism or judgement, we tell ourselves it’s because it wasn’t perfect enough – and so the cycle of shame starts to swirl around. “I could have done more, made it better etc”

When really, the logic of perfectionism is actually the thing that is faulty and not one single person who is out there, doing the work, sharing their ideas is actually immune from criticism or judgement – no matter what the level of perfectionism they think might protect them.

What we can do instead of hiding by way of perfectionism is try to do our best. What we can do is be proud of how we show up for ourselves and our idea, despite any flaws that might appear or any judgement that may follow.

What we can do is put down the armour of perfectionism and allow our ideas to be seen and heard so that we can learn about them and go through the unavoidable process of our ideas becoming, rather than hoping they come out perfect the first time out the gate.

When it comes down to it, trying and having a go is really self-supportive and offers you compassion and curiosity. Perfectionism is centred around others and what they think, how they might respond and really takes you out of the equation of the thing you are working on – which isn’t a supportive or sustainable way to approach things.

Within all of this, I want you to know that it’s so understandable that we want to hide in this way. Risking being seen or judged is so viscerally scary, and our body knows it. So if you’re listening to this and thinking “this is me” please don’t double down into shame – but let it be a call to freedom for you to know that perfect isn’t really going to protect you and that you are more resilient than you realise.

And ultimately know that your hiding is a huge loss for the rest of the world - that so many incredible ideas/thoughts/wisdom/talents are not being seen, not heard, not shared because we are hiding or fixated on perfection as a form of protection.

When amazing women hide their ideas, thoughts, creations then the world misses out on expressions of goodness, of insight, of beauty, of honesty, of empathy and innovation. And we need you – we need your imperfect thoughts, ideas and creations to be out there in the world so we can find them and so you can enjoy the fulfilment of creating something of your own that feels important and true.

WOMEN, LET'S TALK ABOUT EARNING MONEY

I have NOT always felt excited to talk about this, let me just say that. I know that this topic is not something that is overly comfortable for so many of us to talk about for lots of reasons and I want to preface this episode by saying this has been my experience too.

When I first started running my business, the money stuff was absolutely the thing I buried my head in the sand about the most. Coming from decades of working in the non profit sector, to go from having a set salary and applying for funding for different causes that I worked in to creating products and offers where I was asking people to pay me was a big leap. A really big, uncomfortable, hard leap.

I had to learn pretty quickly because the truth is, if your business isn’t making money, it’s not a business.

More than that, if your business is not making money in strategic ongoing ways, it is not sustainable and that’s a really hard place to operate from – when you feel like things are so unstable. That’s when we feel like we need to scramble, to undersell, to contort what we do to suit what we think people want.

So I want you to know that me feeling comfortable talking about making money in my business is something that has been about 4 years in the making. I took on a coach to help me with this stuff, I started opening the conversation in my community about money and I’ve learned a huge amount about the massive importance of being money literate and assured in my business so I want to share some of that with you in case you’re in that position too – where making money or talking about your work or selling or pricing feels hard. You’re not the only one, trust me.

 Why do we struggle to talk about money as women?

I think a large amount of our hesitation or fear of money conversations comes from women having been kept out of money conversations for many many years. It really is a new phenomenon in western society that women are able to earn good money on their own terms and have economic autonomy. It’s only in the last 40 years that we have been able to have our own bank accounts or mortgages in our names without male signatories. I imagine if you look down your family tree, there are only a few women who have been able to access the opportunities women now have to run their own businesses or work their way up in terms of earning.

So even though we have more access to earning money and having a financial say in our own lives, it makes sense that it still feels really taboo or new for women to be talking about this stuff because it IS still so new in terms of our access.

And when you’ve been kept out of the conversation for as long as we have, we naturally will feel timid about entering into it or feeling like we have any authority to do so.

And many of us have complicated relationships with money; with poverty, with debt, with guilt about our upbringings or privileges. Many of us women likely carry all of those experiences and feelings into our businesses and can recognise that they have an impact in how we show up, how we price, how we ask people to buy from us etc.  In order for us to get more comfortable with all of those things, we have to face them, acknowledge and own them as part of our story and also believe that it’s important for us to be paid for our work and to earn money with autonomy.

And our culture sends women messages about our relationships with money too, right? It plays us off as the spenders, the shoppers, demonising women’s relationship to money in really patronising ways. We also know that women who are financially successful are also scrutinised more, and the conflation rests in our mind that being a woman who makes money means you are going to be perceived as being less likeable. We know how much likeability can be a safety lever for us so we can see how women are likely to shrink when it comes to money because the risk of not being liked feels too much.

We also are managing the reality of seeing how money and power works in the world, and it doesn’t take long to observe that the accumulation and distribution of wealth is so screwed up and toxic. It has resulted in an individualised, patriarchal, capitalist society.

It’s likely that because of what we see now that our associations with money are that it can be detrimental and corruptive rather than being something that allow us freedom and greater opportunities to be generous, to change systems or create new and better ways of working.

And so with all that, it is natural that we fear money, or we fear what having money or asking for money will bring. Will it lump us into the same patriarchal, capitalistic society that we know isn’t good for the world? Will it show US to be unlikeable if we ask for things or desire more?

Women and money

What is crucial to know is that actually women operate really differently from men when it comes to wealth. Research shows women are naturally more generous, better at handling money than men and more attuned to using our money wisely and for good.

We are more likely to give to charity, give to more charities, and give more often.

Households headed by single females give 57% more to charity than those headed by single males.

Men tend to favour charitable contributions for their tax advantages. Women tend to give largely out of empathy and connection to certain causes.

Women in the top 25% of permanent income status give 156% more than men in the same category. 

One quarter of high net worth women support causes or organizations aimed at benefiting women and girls. They say that their number one motivation for this giving is their belief that it is the most efficient way to solve societal problems.

Women tend to view wealth as a means by which to articulate their value set.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?! WE ARE TO BE TRUSTED. WOMEN ARE TO BE TRUSTED WITH MONEY!

And the only way we can turn things around in terms of how money is shared in the world is if we harness our courage and are brave enough to ask for what we want. To put our hands up and say, I’ll have that. I can trust myself to earn this.

We have an opportunity to reimagine how the world could look it we had more women earning money, creating new solutions to the worlds problems and getting paid for it. But to do that have to be willing to step into our own space and ask for what we want.

And even better, by doing this, we can begin to show younger women coming up in the world how women can earn money, have autonomy, shift inequality and use their earning power for good.

If we continue to shrink around money, neglect to offer our work out and keep our heads buried in the sand about this stuff It’s going to be harder for us to create a new collective narrative of the importance of women having equal earning power.

Why do we need to talk about money?

Here are some other REASONS WHY IT’S IMPORTANT for us to care about money and getting paid:

+ So we can offer the best and maintain your integrity.

When we get paid for what we do it allows us to bring ourselves to our work in a different way or energy. We show up differently when we feel like our work is valued well. Always doing stuff for free or discounted is going to lead to resenting your work and losing steam.

It’s also important because women need to be more integrated into economic spheres.

We need more women in boardrooms, making decisions for fairer worlds, investing in good, sustainable ways, having a seat at the table. We need more women using their money to create change, to even things out in our unbalanced world and enconomy!

+ So we have sustainable businesses to offer

Another reason it’s important for you to care about money and get paid for what you do is this reality: if you don’t, you will not have a business or offering to enjoy and serve. Plain and simple. If you continue to undercharge, not ask for what you want, not be clear about your money situation, you wont be able to continue doing the work that you love because you wont be able to afford to!

We also need to remember that when we offer our work out to people, we are giving others the opportunity to invest in things that might solve their problems or help them. Someone out there really needs and is ready to invest in you and whatever product or service you have to offer. Shrinking from money conversations is actually denying people the opportunity to get the thing they might really need from you! Don’t patronise people by playing small with your gifts and skills, assuming they won’t pay for them. You may have just what someone needs.

 + Because women can be trusted with money

And finally, this conversation is important because you are absolutely to be trusted to earn good money. You can trust yourself to remain the amazing, generous, creative person that you are if you ask for what you want. Selling what you do, offering your products out to people, pitching for business, calling in clients, earning money in ways that you never imagined does not change your goodness. You can be trusted to do that. In fact, we need you to do that.

I wonder if any of this is stirring something in you right now, or if you’re feeling a shift with how you’ve been feeling about earning money or asking for what you want in your business? I hope it injects a little courage into your soul today and I’d love it if you’d pass it on to a friend who needs that too.

WHY JEALOUSY, COMPARISON + DISCOMFORT IS A GIFT

This happens to all of us. None of us are immune to these three things. Jealousy, Comparison and Discomfort. 

• You see someone doing something really well, stepping out, showing up or taking steps towards something exciting and it stings. You question their motives, pick holes in their methods, inwardly (or maybe outwardly) have a pop at their action. Jealousy.

• You watch as someone launches a new thing that is really similar to your idea. You agonise over what they are doing because they are doing it in ways you hadn’t thought of or with seemingly more ease or traction. You follow closely, weigh up how your version of that thing isn’t as good or executed as well, sinking into feelings of being an imposter or worthlessness. Comparison.

• You brew an idea for something, let it simmer and realise all the work that is ahead of you to make it happen. You maybe mention it to a few people, don’t get the responses you wanted and that sense of failure hangs close. You shut things down before you even begin. Discomfort.

But what if these three feelings don’t have to be enveloped in pain? What if they are guiding markers, leading us towards understanding something really true about ourselves?

I want to flip the idea that jealousy, comparison and discomfort are feelings that we should go into battle with and show how, if we frame them just a little differently, they can give us some solid information and motivation that will propel us into action instead of hiding and shutting ourselves away.

Here are three reasons why we should capture these feelings and lean into them a little more:

1)    THEY POINTS OUT TO US THE THINGS THAT ARE REALLY PRECIOUS TO US.

What if instead of being frustrated or annoyed by jealousy or comparison we took information from it? What if we could loosen the power of these feelings over us by activating our curiosity.

When those feelings arise, instead of fanning them into full flame, what we can do is tune our mind to slow down and be curious about what our reaction or response is telling us.

“I’m having a strong reaction to this situation or person – I wonder what it is about it that is bringing up these feelings for me”.

Our brains are wired to get answers quickly and often we repeat patterns that we have learned over the years that are unhelpful to us in a bid to rationalise our way out of discomfort.

If we activate curiosity instead, we can actually learn some incredible truths about ourselves in the situation. What we can do is harness the feeling of comparison or jealousy to unlock some deeper stuff that is probably going on for us and use it as fuel to move ahead instead of throwing the towel in or getting competitive and frantic.

Feelings of comparison are actually really useful and can reveal for us some of our deepest desires.

INSTEAD OF THIS:

“Oh – every time I hear about that person speaking at events it makes me feel really behind. She is everywhere.”

ACTIVATE CURIOUS THINKING:

“When I hear of people getting opportunities to speak at events it sparks something in me that might lead me to think that I would quite like to do that. I wonder how I can connect with people to see if that could be an opportunity for me”.

 Do you hear the difference in the tone? Curiosity opens us up to possibilities instead of allowing old patterns of how we manage comparison and jealousy to steal our joy.

2)    THEY CAN SHOW US THE POTENTIAL AVAILABLE TO US.

When we view jealousy, comparison and discomfort as a gift, rather than something to banish, we can allow ourselves to see the potential for movement.

There are so many temptations around us in patriarchal culture that try to usher us into the mindset of scarcity and not-enoughness. There are not enough customers, not enough ears that will listen, not enough time to do something different, not enough space for me to bring the thing I really want to to life.

This BS messaging keeps us small.

What if we saw women who are putting themselves out there as allies instead of competition? What if you saw someone doing something that you would love to do and instead of feeling like you’ve missed the boat you could think “that is inspiring and if she can do it, why not me too?”.

Staying in discomfort, jealousy and comparison reinforces a culture of scarcity and pits women against each other instead of seeing it as a window from which we can view what is possible for us as well.

The next time you have those feelings come up, practice this updated way of thinking and do one small thing that will move you towards the idea you have – it will serve you so much better than rolling around in the pain of scarcity and inaction.

3)    THEY ARE ALERTING US THAT SOMETHING SIGNIFICANT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

When jealousy, comparison and discomfort hit, you can be sure that you are on the precipice of moving towards something significant for you.

Our brains are wired to alert us when we are inching towards unknown territory or putting ourselves out there in a way that might make us vulnerable. It will use jealousy, comparison and discomfort to try and tug you back into that place of safety and comfort. You don’t have to let it.

My friends, this is not where you are made to stay. Comfort zones are rarely comfortable. They are there for when we need healing and deeper restoration, but not for when we want to take steps towards the things that feel really true and freeing for us.

I urge you today to look at how you’ve been handling feelings of jealousy, comparison and discomfort and see if you can give yourself permission to learn from them and lean into the powerful information you can gain from framing those experiences differently.