THIS IS WHAT GRIEF IS LIKE

THIS IS WHAT GRIEF IS LIKE

I don’t even know where to begin this but writing is part of my catharsis so here goes. I guess this is what grief looks like. A long string of uncertainty – of mixed up feelings – like someone took all of the emotions a person can contain, put them in a bag and shook them around vigorously and laid them out in front of me, all mixed up. Here you go - here is your mind for the foreseeable future.  Fear sitting beside hope, shock on top of love, sadness under gratitude.

This is what grief feels like.

What I’m starting to realise is that there is no rhythm to this; no expectation of what a day will bring when you are in the throes of grief.  

My mum died.

I don’t know when that sentence will never look normal to me. Probably never.

5 THINGS WE'VE LEARNED FROM GETTING RID OF OUR T.V.

5 THINGS WE'VE LEARNED FROM GETTING RID OF OUR T.V.

It's been well over a year now since that fateful day when I arrived home from having coffee with a friend to find an empty lonesome corner of our living room where our T.V. used to live.  

We had talked about getting rid of our T.V. for a while, but Dave took the bull by the horns one afternoon and dumped it in the basement for selling. At first I was a bit like "Oooookaaaaayyy....I'm on boaaaarrrrrd..." - the words leaving my mouth in slow motion so to try and give my head time to be convinced it was a good idea. We had a busy 4 year old and another baby on the way. How would I put in nine months of a maternity leave without being able to binge-watch something on the sofa while endlessly breastfeeding? What would I use as bait to give Levi some down time when I needed to see to the baby? It wasn't something I was totally sure was going to work for us, but I felt like it would only be fair to give it a try.

Ethical Fashion - 5 Tips to Update Your Wardrobe Using eBay

Ethical Fashion - 5 Tips to Update Your Wardrobe Using eBay

I have been on an eBay mission of late. This is me - I go through the motions with eBay. I'm all or nothing. On a roll or just can't be bothered. 

Lately though, it's go time. I've done some good post-baby clothes clearing out - anything that was feeling too frumpy, too worn out and clothes that I was actively avoiding got purged. This left room for a few items that I wanted to replace in a more thoughtful way. Good basics that would see me through this Winter to Spring transition without breaking the bank.

There are so many amazing professional sellers out there on eBay, and if you are a vintage clothing lover, you could whittle away a great many hours scouring all the vintage eBay shops for unique and rare finds. Trust me, I have. I adore the fact that I can secondhand shop at home in my jammies without having to root through the bowels of a musty charity shop (that sounds unfair - I still do love a good rummage in a charity shop but there is less time for that these days) and I am still able to keep my sense of style on a budget. 

ASSEMBLY WINTER GATHERING

ASSEMBLY WINTER GATHERING

This time last week we were excitedly shoving pallets of beer out of the way, sweeping floors and filling carafes of water. We were hanging festoon lights (not me, I left that to the experts) and arranging bunches of fresh herbs at place settings. We were setting the stage for another Assembly Gathering.

THREE APPROACHES FOR POSITIVE, RESPECTFUL PARENTING (WHEN PARENTING IS HARD)

THREE APPROACHES FOR POSITIVE, RESPECTFUL PARENTING (WHEN PARENTING IS HARD)

When it comes to parenting, we are mostly winging it. Every day of this job/privilege where we have to keep these tinies alive and make sure they grow up to be decent humans is a learning curve. Every day we are faced with new challenges that we hadn't thought about how we would handle and conversations that we are in over our head with. "Mummy, when you're dead are you just lying in the ground dead?".... Yeah. That stuff. 

The last six years of parenting has been both but a tiny portion of life and a steep time of growth.  We have unlearned a heap of things that we thought we were supposed to do and be as parents and that process has been difficult and freeing all at the same time. I write what I'm about to write here not as an expert, but as a normal parent that is figuring it out daily - drinking in grace and compassion for myself as we navigate these unchartered territories for our own family.  It is relentless and rewarding. It is hard.