THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING AN INFLUENCER

I don't know how long you’ve been following along in terms of the work that I do or what I share, but if you were around pre-pandemic, you may have seen that I had a little bit of time where I was exploring the idea of influence. I went on a bit of a quest to explore what it means in culture today; to break open the word and dig out all the flesh that we have put around it and try to find out what is at its core – the real juicy stuff.

And I got somewhere with it. Somewhere surprising. It was exciting to lift the layers and see what’s underneath all the trappings of influence that we have created for ourselves. (sidenote: what we have created - not wonderful)

You see, for the majority of my early career I was involved in activism work. Working with charities, running charity projects, advocating, lobbying, creating movements for change. I’ve met people along the way that have shaped my idea of influence while working in that world. I’ve witnessed a hunger for influence in the social justice sphere and been fascinated at how the power dynamics work when working for systemic change. I’ve seen what it takes for shifts to happen in the policy room or the campaign planning session; how influence is used – in healthy and unhealthy ways.  Yes. The non-profit sector is not always healthy. Activism is not always healthy. Crazy, right? Imagine.

And then of course in the last several years I’ve also been building my own business, one that largely operates online. And I believe that my business holds closely the same values as my non-profit work – empowering, advocating and opening conversations about systemic issues that have held women and girls back and creating connections so they can flourish – but this time my medium for this work has changed. I’ve been immersed in the world of social media, working to have my message heard there, connecting with others who are doing the same. And I’ve noticed that to have influence in this sphere requires very different trappings and associations and what is held up as influential when it comes to the online world has sometimes left a lot to desire. For me, anyway.

Both of these worlds have been fascinating to be part of and what influence looks like and what it takes to acquire it are very contrasting from one to the other. Not better. Not more effective. Just different.

In one world, influence is largely about who you know at the top.

In the other world, influence is largely about how many people are looking.

In one world, influence is about needing to be an expert in your field.

In the other world, influence can be gained by staging expertise or being the loudest in the room.

In one world, influence is mastered by having firm boundaries.

In the other world, influence is largely gained by blurred personal/private lines.

There are so many contrasts to it all.

How does influence work so differently in one area to another?

Are there common threads that run through both?

A couple of years back while I was exploring this more deeply,  I asked my friends on Instagram to think about who has truly been influential in their lives. I wanted to know what the top qualities of that person were that made them so significantly influential to them.

The answers to this came in thick and fast and it would seem that the people who have been incredible influences on our lives are quite close to our minds, easy to recount.

I paid close attention to the responses and what fascinated me was that there were some recurring themes. Themes that I spent some time sorting through to make sense of.

What occurred to me in sifting through this all, these personal lived experiences of being influenced by someone else is that influence isn’t actually about what happens on the outside.

Influence seems to be an inside job.

Being a person of influence isn’t something that you can cajole or project - it’s an inner work that makes it’s way out and seems to have depth to it that makes it last a long time..

As I looked through all the data and the interviews and research I did back then, I thought it would be encourage to share with you some of the life-changing things that emerged in my findings about the inside out idea of influence. You may want to make notes for this one. Be challenged and hopeful.

• Influence isn’t actually about outer platforms – it’s about an inner posture.

People shared with me about their secondary school teachers, their grandparents, their foster mums, their neighbours who didnt necessarily have some sort of wild following or fame, but their inner landscape was so rich and magnetic that it left a lasting impact on them. It inspired them or comforted them so much so that they hold that person in such high regard as someone who continues to influence how they live their lives and show up for others. 

• Influence isn’t about momentary notoriety – it’s about long-term dedication.

Often these stories about people who have been influential were about long term witnessing of integrity. There was no real fan fare but a deep knowledge of someone being a consistent and steady presence. 

• Influence isn’t about power – it’s about contribution.

All of these people mentioned as being influential seemed to have some sort of willingness to contribute with intention. They seemed to recognise their significance in the relationship and wanted to add value to other peoples lives. It never came up that someone was influential because they had power or because they could get them further up a ladder - it was about an investment in the wellbeing of the persons life.

• Influence isn’t about reach, it’s about depth.

Integrity plays a big part here. Those reflections were often about admiring the persons responses to difficulties in life and learning from that example. It wasn’t about how many people loved them, it was about the depth of character that they could see and feel.

• Influence isn’t about accumulation, it’s about generosity.

Similarly, there was a huge amount of generosity mentioned in these interviews and responses - the people that had great influence tended to be those that, wether wealthy or not - were generous with their time, generous in their relationship. And that seemed to count for a lot more.

• Influence isn’t about perfecting who we are, it’s about becoming who we are.

No one claimed these people to be perfect - and in some instances, there was discussion of how the person actually had changed over time or transformed in a way from situations of difficulty and chaos into creating a life that was meaningful and had purpose. There was never any illusion that they were perfect people or that that was even important, but that they could see their evolution as inspiring.

• Influence isn’t about striving, it’s about ease.

I heard phrases like ‘they had a peaceful presence’ or they were a safe space, which felt like an important thing to note - it seems like people of true lasting influence are not always striving or trying to earn their place - they seem to be able to be present and a true person of calm.

These are life-changing truths because they tip our cultures idea of influence on it’s head.

I would love for this definition of influence  - the ones that have emerged based on the stories of real people I heard about, to be the new rebrand of the word. I love that this definition means that we don’t have to wait for numbers and figures to have an impact. We don’t have to show up perfectly or expertly or loudly. We don’t have to wait for some sort of status. We get to have an impact on people now - we get to influence each other now.. We get to do the inner work that brings integrity back into a world that so badly needs some now. This could just be the relief we all need to keep perspective in a world that can be so loud, so distracted by shiny things. 

As always, I’m here - willing to chat more - you can email me hello@melwiggins.com or catch me on IG or my email list  if you want to hear more on this - Sign up below!

Three ways you can work with me right now:

• Over the summer I have a few spaces available for VIP Days. If you need a more in depth burst of strategy and clarity but are short on time, join me for an in-person (or virtual online) day of getting clear, strategic and excited about the next stage of your business. These days have been amazing for my clients. We solve problems, generate new ideas and ways of working and have the best time doing it.

• Join my Brand Builder Group Programme! It is GLORIOUS! I've been running this programme ongoing for the last year and it really is so special. It's part self-learning, part live group-coaching and right now I have a beautiful group of female business owners going through the modules to help them create super sonic clarity, greater self-belief and ways of working that completely change the game for their energy and goals in their businesses. If you'd like to hear more about it, click the link in the shownotes or let's find a time to chat about where things are at for you and if this could be the right next step in developing you and your work. There is a link to Book a call with me in the show notes as well. ​

• If you’re not a business owner but you think your workplace could benefit from some coaching and training from me to help bring more connection to your teams and better ways of working when it comes to challenges and change, then I’d love to chat about that too. 

5 AREAS TO EMBRACE FEMININE ENERGY IN BUSINESS

Today I want to talk about what it means to embrace the feminine energy in business building. I think it’s important before I start to let you know that we are talking about energy here and not gender so I want to clarify that the feminine and masculine principles I’m talking about are not defined by gender or sexual orientation. They are universal energies, principles, or capacities found in all people, systems, and cultures. 

We all possess feminine and masculine energy within us and the balance of these energies is used in many different aspects of our lives. We rely on both of these areas to show up in different ways and for different means.

It may be that we rely more on the feminine energy for the nurture of parenting or maybe our masculine energy comes through more clearly when we are in activism mode, standing up for justice or making our voice heard for issues that matter. I give these tiny non-exhaustive examples to show that both energies are important and have a lot to bring to the table. This isn’t a masculinity bashing podcast episode but an opportunity to explore what each side brings, and particularly to note how defaulted to the masculine we often find ourselves as women running businesses. 

Because business and entrepreneurship has been largely forged and dominated by men, it’s only natural that there is high masculine energy around it, which can make it really difficult for women - especially women who tend to have strong feminine energy - to feel like it is really for them or that they are cut out for it. And yet - we know that any overextended energy that isn’t balanced out will often lead to toxicity. And that’s what we are seeing now in the world of business - men and women who have defaulted too hard into the masculine energy of business and it has led to unprecedented burnout, clambering for status, unhealthy leadership, win at all costs type of ways of working.

For years in business, the masculine energy has typically been held up as being more powerful and effective. The masculine energy pushes through, is assertive, wants to take control of situations. As women (and as men), we can easily see how the qualities of the feminine energy are present in our personal lives, however it still feels like it isn’t welcome in our professional lives or in our work. Our late-stage capitalist culture has overvalued traditionally masculine energy, while denying or undervaluing feminine capacities. So I want to talk through how our feminine energy can actually be some of the most powerful contributions to business right now - contributions that will include a more collaborative, empathetic, creative and receptive way of working. Ways of working that are better for everyone.

I also think it’s important to say that while too much masculine energy in our business can lead to all kinds of problems - it doesn’t mean we don’t need it to be strong negotiators in our businesses, to have clear direction, to look for logic and reason, to implement focus, integrity, structure and stability. All of these qualities of more masculine energy can really benefit us in our work. But an overextension of these and a negligence of the feminine can lead to being mechanical, arrogant, insensitive, power-hungry, and empty in our sense of purpose. 

The feminine energy brings adaptability, intuition, creativity, flow, sharing, patience, vulnerability, empathy, inclusion, and trust to our work. But when we lean on the feminine too hard we can see how it can also lead to immaturity in how we run our businesses -  being overly sentimental, hyper-dependent, reliant on praise, unfocused or irrational.

While masculine energy is oriented towards action, decisiveness, competition, productivity and profit, we are definitely seeing a shift in values coming from the feminine as becoming more important to the wellbeing of us all when it comes to operating a business. When we overextend into the masculine and forget the importance of the feminine energy in business we are giving up some really incredible opportunities to connect, be intuitive, have a greater impact and take people with us.

there are some elements of business that I believe deserve a much stronger dose of the feminine in business building:

1. Conflict: The feminine energy is the best to use when it comes to handling conflict (this can be applied both with internal conflict in yourself or with your work or team mates or clients/customers) - listening carefully, staying in the discomfort of challenge instead of racing to find a quick fix. 

2. Goal Setting: It’s also hugely important to exercise the feminine energy in business when it comes goal setting - staying open and receptive to what matters most as your work evolves instead of fixated on arbitrary goals or targets.

3. Selling: When it comes to selling - being invitational and understanding of the dynamic of potential client/customer vs business dynamic means that you allow relationships of trust to be built instead of having narrow sales focuses that may pay off in the short term but might not lead to repeat or happy customers. The feminine quality keeps a wider perspective around selling and is likely to be curious about: is what I have what the other party really needs? Is this exchange win-win situation? 

4. Generating Ideas: The feminine energy wants us to keep open to being playful about how things can be done. It is open to new perspectives and ideas rather than looking for the most logical or obvious course of action. It is thinking about the bigger picture, greater good again, rather than acting on impulse or shortcuts.

5. Time Management: The way men see time is linear. They go from A to B because that's how they are biologically designed - they have 24 hour hormone cycles. The way that women live is different. We are cyclical creatures. And we have to honor our rhythms. As women, we naturally have waves. We'll be on fire, but then we need some Netflix in the middle of the day. Men tend to operate in 24-hour periods. But women tend to view time over a much longer cycle so embracing that feminine energy can be really useful when working on bigger projects that require more time to develop and land - not feeling that pressure to have the whole thing executed in an unrealistic time frame.

6. Pressure: If the masculine energy is too heavy when pressure strikes in business, the impulses will be to be too self-critical or even harsh with others who might be involved in your work, however if you stay in contact with the feminine energy you are more likely to be able to access self-compassion and understanding.

What we want is to be able to know what areas of the masculine and feminine to bring with us and assert when we need it. Maybe we need to bring more masculine energy to our sense of value when it comes to pricing our work - being decisive and practical about it and then weave the feminine into how we show up and sell it by bringing a receptive, intuitive invitational feel to our offers? You see how they can work so well in tandem and balance with each other to make our businesses stronger?

When we learn how to balance the masculine and feminine within ourselves we become magnetic - there is a sacred union of health between both of these energies that can really serve us well. 

When we default to running our businesses with too much of the masculine energy we can quickly become burned out as we neglect our self-care, overwork ourselves, and forget to experience pleasure, flow and ease.

In reality we are all a combination of both energies, however most of us default to a preference in business and because the system was built in a masculine space, it’s that. And so many amazing women in business are resisting their feminine energy and battling so much imposter syndrome and burnout and many men are denying the feminine energy they could be accessing and depleting themselves and feeling like frauds. 

If you feel a bit impostery or disconnected as a business owner or as an entrepreneur and you feel you are struggling to fully embody your true authentic self in your business, understand that it’s probably because you’re being told you have to be a certain way and are leaning too hard into that default masculine business energy that we’ve been sold as the only way to be a business person. Please know that you do have a choice and you can create a business that embraces both the Feminine and the Masculine energy and use them to build a healthy, regenerative, purposeful business. In fact, it’s important that you do.

5 NEW BUSINESS MANTRAS FOR 2023

Over the last few weeks I’ve been ruminating - allowing thoughts and ideas to come when they’re ready and I usually find when I have a bit more space or margin, I can sense certain things taking shape naturally. I notice that I keep coming back to certain themes within myself, in my processes and thoughts and I notice those things appearing or being talked about more frequently in my calls with groups and clients so I thought I’d share some of them with you today.

I’m calling them Mantras - 5 ideas or ways of being that I really want to hold onto as I run my business and do my work this year. Some of these have been brewing for a while and are finally landing in my head and my heart and I want to offer them to you so you can think on them as well.

The first one is this:

Trust is paramount (in yourself and your clients)

An idea that has never steered me wrong is that I already know what I want. I already know what I want to do, how I want to do it, how I want to develop my work, what I want to earn, who I want to work with and how valuable my offers are. I already know it. And I believe that you know it too for you. However - if it was that simple, we’d all be out there doing it. My intuition is the more innate, true part of me and it has so much wisdom for me but it gets clogged up like a sink with fear, with other peoples opinions, with the noise of social media, with my own protective habits. All of this can clog my intuition but it’s there waiting for me to listen to it because it is trustworthy and it won’t push. My responsibility to myself this year is to make space for it. To face the clogs and dig them out of the way so that my own desires and knowing can flow. 

This goes for my clients or any potential clients too. As a coach, I want to fully trust my clients to show up for themselves and for our work together. I position myself as a reliable, trustworthy person and believe the same for them. I believe they have full autonomy over their decision making and I am not here to cajole or manipulate them into doing anything outside of their own knowing. I trust them to do that clog digging work with me for themselves and operate in their fullest sense of power. Anything less than that is babysitting or codependency and I am not interested in coaching dynamics like that. I totally trust anyone interested in working with me to make the best decisions for themselves about when and how they do that and am only willing to work with people who really trust themselves to begin coaching from a place of empowerment. 

The second mantra is this:

Growth is not measured by numbers, but by depth of trust and impact in your work

I am determined this year to only measure growth and progress through the lens of trust and impact. I feel like this goes against all the traditional advice to be checking numbers and figures and dont get me wrong - those are important too. I’m not working for free - I value myself and my skills too much to neglect the financial side of my business. Make no mistake, I want to earn a living from my work and I do, but I’m no longer going to be sneakily distracted by numbers, followers, subscribers and sign ups. The real metric that matters for me this year is the level of trust I am building in those that have not yet worked with me. Trust that reflects all that I talked about in the first point. Trust that I am someone who values them, trust that I am the right companion to support them in their work. Trust that I have the skills to help them free themselves from restrictive or punitive ways of working. Trust that I can help them to build a truly aligned business. I’ll know this by the conversations I have in DM’s, by the responses to emails, by the good discussions on free strategy calls, and maybe by how many of those people feel empowered to join me in doing this work.

And I want to grow the impact of my work - the depth of which my clients are showing up for themselves and truly finding more freedom and joy in their businesses. I love nothing more than seeing how the tools and resources we use together have lasting impact in their work. I see them staying aligned, bringing in brilliant customers and clients, being loyal to themselves, making hard decisions, optimizing their time and looking after themselves. A lot of people often come to my work through the feedback or sharing of my clients - they tell their friends or colleagues and I love this. It means so much to be able to help people this way.

Thirdly comes this. This year I am focused on

Creating a body of work rather than churning out content.

I want everything substantial that I create to be adding to a body of work that people can utilize or dive into at any time. Relevant, supportive, practical and provoking. I don’t want to get caught up on the content train where I have to perform for a platform that is insatiable for new stuff or stimulation. Social media platforms are noisy and distracting and it’s hard to hear all of the nuance amidst the advice and I love nuance and context so I don’t want to show up there with soundbites that can’t be unpacked with care. I also think it’s pointless to serve up really huge concepts on social media because there is rarely any time for integration or embedding of them. We simply can’t digest all of the well meaning goodness that we are hit with as we scroll. We get a second of a hit of dopamine when we read something that is important or true but then we pass by it and don’t get the chance to think about how it could really apply, so this platform, this podcast and my emails are going to be where I create my body of work that reflects what I really want to say and social media will be a little library snapshot of all of that and point my audience back to here. Viewing what I create as a body of work gives it value for me the creator - knowing that someone can find my work and go back to the beginning of this podcast and listen through as much as they want really helps me concentrate on providing honest, authentic and meaningful content. It also gives me freedom to use social media a bit more playfully, because you know I love a good play on there. 

The fourth mantra that I’m focusing on is in relation to how I show up and offer my work and its this: Everything is an invitation, never an expectation. My friend Michelle taught me this expression and I use it daily to lesson the icky feelings that come up when I think about how to market myself and make sure people know about my work. It can really be this simple. You are always invited - invited to come along, to listen, to contribute to the conversation, to comment, to sign up, to invest but it’s never an expectation. I don’t know you, your circumstances, your capacity, your financial situation, your pressures so I want to approach all of the offers that I have with that knowledge and compassion. Back to trust - I truly believe that anyone contemplating working with me on their business has the autonomy and deserves the respect of never feeling like joining me feels pressured. I want my marketing and selling to feel invitational and so I will leave plenty of space for those decisions, I will follow up with grace, I will invite regularly so people don’t miss it (because people always miss it) and I will be loyal to myself and make sure that I am sending those invitations out and giving people the opportunity to join in in what I have or will create. Always an invitation, never an expectation.

And finally this:

I don’t have to do this alone

I know that my temptation will always be to keep any struggles I have to myself - to not reach out or ask for help. I know my pride can overshadow what I know to be true - that doing any kind of important work to me is always better shared and that there are communities around me that will meet me with support, encouragement, ideas and love. I may be the person most invested in my own work, closest to it and most emotionally and physically connected to it but I know I’m not alone in the similar issues and questions that I have and I have experienced the power of a community of supportive women so many times in my work that I have seen to really show up and cheer each other on and listen to what each other is going through that I want to make sure to activate this for myself as the year progresses. I want that for you as well because I know how powerful it truly is. When we release some of the insecurities we may have of worrying about other women being competitive or of thinking that no one will care - we can really find amazing connection that can propel us forward knowing that us having each others back is part of building a different model of business - one much more interested in the greater good and the flourishing of all people rather than viewing business as something to tightly hold onto.

So those are my five mantras:

• Trust is paramount (in yourself and your clients)

• Growth is not measured by numbers, but by depth of trust and impact in your work

• Create a body of work rather than churning out content

• Everything is an invitation, never an expectation

• I don’t have to do this alone

I wonder if any of these feel important for you to explore or take up for yourself and your work this year? I’d love to know if they are - so do feel free to DM me on instagram @melwiggins or to reach out on email hello@melwiggins.com and let me know.

And if you are interested in working together this year to help move your business and work into a place of alignment with your values, and of profit and purpose, my invitation to you is to have a look at my Brand Builder Programme. We have a beautiful community of female business owners in there that are working through the really powerful resources and tools that I’ve put together that will bring so much more ease and clarity to your work and over the life of the fourth month programme you’ve got me with you every step of the way. The link to find out more is in the shownotes of this episode and I’d be more than happy to chat with you about whether this could be the right next step for you in developing your business and you as the business owner. You are always invited. 

WHY YOUR WORK ISN'T SELLING

It’s likely that you clicked here today because you are a business owner, you create things – products of services that you really want to get out there into the world, into the hands of people who will love them. It’s also likely that you are here because the title of this blog is looking at sales and you would love to be selling more of these wonderful, smart, helpful things that you are creating. Because ultimately, that’s what business is about, right? Making sure that your product or service generates income that can sustain and regenerate profit in your business so you can pay your bills, have fun, keep creating and doing the work you love. So…

In this blog post I want to explore some of the reasons why your work might not be selling the way you want it to. And even though this might feel this question – why is my work not selling more -  has any number of answers to it – I want to focus down into three.

I’ve been working with hundreds of businesses over the last six years and I know how tricky selling is, especially for women, so I have witnessed first hand (in my own business) and in so many others the common stuff that gets in the way of seeing those sales come in. And so in this post I want to offer my top three things that I see business owners often missing that are really worth a deeper consideration…

1)     Positioning

2)     Offering

3)     Visibility Vulnerability

So let’s dive in and talk about some of the practicalities – both the outer and inner stuff - that might be in the way of people lining up to buy your amazing stuff.

First up let’s consider positioning:

When I say positioning, what I’m really talking about it how you are framing your offers. This takes into account the way you are connecting, messaging, marketing and framing what it is you have to offer.

Making sales in your business is not about just getting on Instagram and putting your product or service out there, spewing off reems about what it is and crossing your fingers that someone needs it. It’s not about detailing every aspect of what your product does on your website. It takes some understanding of where people are at that might be interested in or need your product to really make the connection.

For the most part, when it comes to purchasing something, people are really interested in how something is going to make them feel. So our messaging and marketing needs to factor that in. Sure, we like to know details of the product, how much it costs, how it works, but ultimately, people connect to how a product or service is going to change something for them, or bring them a feeling. So instead of selling from a place of details, try talking and sharing more about what kind of transformation your work brings. Now, I know that lots of people out there who offer products sometimes struggle with this part. But believe me when I say that there is transformation to be found in your product. Maybe you’re thinking about how much easier it is for service providing businesses to speak to this, but it isn’t the case. Remember, people buy based on feelings. You only have to go to the grocery store on an empty stomach to see that. Or think about the last thing you bought for yourself and dig into what feeling you were after when you purchased it. For me, I bought a candle the other because I wanted to feel cozy and warm as the nights are getting colder. I want to see the dance of that glowy flicker on my mantle piece to signal that it’s time to wind down when I go to sit down at the end of a long day. I bought into the cozy feeling.

So when it comes to your work, how does what you make or create delight, surprise, bring pleasure or joy to others. How will your food make them feel nourished or like a proper luxury treat they can savour. Speak about how your pottery or your clothes or your art brings a sense of personal or individual style. How it makes people feel satisfied, adds flair to a dining table or wall or gives something a sense of feeling finessed or put together. This goes for product or service testimonials too. Make sure when you get feedback, you ask your customer or clients to talk about this aspect. Where were they before they had your work, how do they feel now? What has shifted?

Positioning means framing the feelings of your work in a way that people recognise themselves in the offer. Don’t skip this bit – it’s how we connect and speak human to human with our customers/clients.

Secondly, let’s talk about offering.

When you’ve got your positioning right, it’s time to offer. It’s time to actually provide solutions to the feelings of your customers or clients. It’s one thing to understand your customer, how they feel, what kind of benefits they are after, what transformation or feeling they are looking for but now it’s your job to step up to that with your solution, how you know your product or service can remedy that and let people have it.

What I see happening a LOT a lot a lot is that we have these offers, we know how to position them and we are excited about people wanting them or needing them and all the beauty that comes in that transaction, and so we show up and post about it on social media and expect the sales cart to go mad, to sell out quickly (this whole selling out thing is lies that we are told by hustle culture is common when it truly is rare) or that people will just find it magically and want it quickly.

It does not work like this. And this is often where a lot of us lose our nerve and start doing the slow tiptoe away from our offerings. Like, just kidding – I didn’t really create this, gotta go! We can’t just post about something once or twice and expect things to sell easily. This requires so much nerve holding, showing up and staying committed to this part of the work.

Chances are, if you have something to offer, you aren’t talking about it enough. And for a whole host of reasons that ill get into in a minute. Either you aren’t talking about it enough or you’re talking about it cryptically instead of being bold about asking people to buy from you or work with you. I want you to realistically count in your head how many times you have actively, boldly asked for the sale this week. What I’m not saying is that you have to be pushy or manipulative or cringe here – asking for the sale isn’t begging or forcing. I’m not asking you to step away from your values of authenticity or connection – I am actually asking you to step into it more. Because to know you have solutions or something of value or something that could inspire or delight or help someone and not showing up and telling people about how they can get it – that is actually not activating your values of authenticity or connection is it? By hiding your offers, using vague language or tiptoeing around your offers isn’t actually providing the authentic connection that you really can provide!

You can offer and sell your stuff clearly, with integrity every single day. You can show up on social media or to your email list every day and make sure that whoever is ready or interested in your work knows how to get it and it doesn’t have to mean anything you might be making it mean about you. Please do not ghost your community when you think no one wants what you have to offer – show up for them and for yourself and keep letting those who may need to know what you have to offer. Do it regularly, do it often and do it with conviction because you believe in your own work.

And this brings me to my final point: Vulnerability

That’s the feelings that come up with this stuff. The vulnerability of the offering and showing up.

It is hard internal work to plug your offers. It requires a lots of risk and vulnerability to create something you care about from a place of genuine love for your work and then hold it out into the world and say – come see this? You like it? Do you want to buy it? It’s really good! Your risk aversion department in your brain is going to be on high alert, hoping that you back down your visibility and retreat to the safety of not being seen.

To show up and sell your work or your product or service is going to require you to acknowledge that protective voice, to recognise it when you start doing the slow tiptoe away, to identify how it is showing up when it comes to sharing about your work and asking people to buy from you. Recognising how your self doubt shows up and what you tend to do when that happens is a huge component of mastering it. When you recognise it – that you tend to go quiet, start comparing, stall because of perfectionism, ghost your audience, look for validation in the wrong places, numb out, people please, shrink back in – then you can start to deploy some settling techniques to bring yourself back to your commitment to the work.

Tend to your nervous system when this happens. Reassure your risk aversion department that you are curious about how this might actually work out for you and that it doesn’t need to be on such high alert. Do the work to bring some calm reassurance back into your body and mind. Journal, get into community with other business owners who are 100% likely to be feeling the same way about this for some solidarity, hire a flipping coach and co-regulate and let them do their job of helping you maintain your loyalty to yourself and your work.

If you are finding selling your stuff isn’t working for you right now and you are stuck, frustrated, doubting yourself and your abilities – lean into these three things and see what might shift for you. And let me know if it does.