Creativity & Caring About the World - Can We Do Both?

While we were away on holidays I got to listen to some podcasts.  Having a baby that feeds 2 hourly through the night will give you that kind of time. I was really excited to see that Liz Gilbert had started Season Two of the Magic Lessons podcast - you may remember me talking about how it blew my mind last year here.  This season includes more of the same - readers give Liz their creative dilemma, she (and some of her expert friends) pep talk them through it and help them unpack and move ahead in their creative pursuits.  It's a really valuable listen, at least it has been for me.  I caught up with the first episode in this series and it really struck a chord - I'll explain why in a bit.

You may know that most of my working life has been spent tackling issues of injustice and exclusion:  various roles have seen me bringing diverse cultures together in contentious communities, raising awareness of human trafficking and exploitation, supporting homeless women, finding diversionary activities for young people that society has written off, making sure people get the right coffee in the right sized cup in speedy time.  OK, so that drive-thru Tim Horton's job in High School might not have been a strategic career move towards humanitarian work, but I did get to make people happy by giving them donuts, so yeah.  Small things are important too.

That's me up there giving all the serious chat at an anti-slavery exhibition.  Serious Mel.  MBE Mel.  Down with all the terrible things in the world Mel.

Anyway, you can see that much of my life gravitates to the big issues; to playing a small part in changing things from the front line and I count it a huge privilege to do what I do - I freaking LOVE my job.  I grew up in a house full of compassion and was exposed to lots of ways we could help others so it is pretty natural for me to end up here where I am, doing what I do.

Being on the front line of any kind of work like this can be consuming - it can make you serious and heavy hearted and feisty and strong.  It can also make you question just about everything, picking things apart, digging deep to find the roots of the problems; wanting to desperately scratch away all the red tape and distortions and misconceptions in order to see problems and issues for what they really are so you can begin to properly help.  It can be exhausting.

This is me.  And yet - this is not all of me.  There is also a part of me that craves frivolous creativity - and that's where things get interesting.  It's the part of me that loves mid-century interiors, fashion and whittling away the last moments of the day by the light of pinterest on my phone in bed; the part of me that loves music and singing and harmonising around the piano til the wee hours of the morning; that buys too many ceramic mugs because they speak to me from the depths of stinky charity shops; that loves to set a table all pretty, to make recipes that will nourish and comfort, to find the perfect light for a picture, to source the perfect fig scented candle, to hoard magazines and stationary just because they are beautiful to look at, to swoon over tiles and colour combinations and textures of fabrics.  All of these things are part of me too.  And so I struggled.

Up there, that's frivolous creative Mel.  Getting the right shot for a nice instagram pic Mel.  Pinterest Mel.  Beautiful stationary Mel.

For quite some time, and even sometimes still, I struggle to marry these two areas of my life.  Surely someone so serious about the darkest issues facing humanity cannot also care about beni ourain rugs?  Surely you can not get excited about setting a beautiful table for dinner and also be tuned into the turmoil of millions of our fellow humans being sold, displaced or exploited?  Surely the matters concerning the world right now are more important, more pertinent than any frivolity mentioned above?

This has been an on-going battle for me - coming to terms with my own creativity and allowing it to unashamedly be part of who I am.  Does everything I do or put out there in the world have to lead to something meaningful?  I know I'm not alone in this because I have talked to others in the same position - people who work on the front line of some of the most difficult issues, afraid to move in a creative realm for fear of losing their credibility or edge.  Afraid to tether themselves to anything too lighthearted in case it is mistaken for being shallow.  Interestingly, some of the most creative people I know are people who spend their day jobs dealing with the dark stuff of the world.  I wonder if there's not something more to be said about that?

What I have learned and am continuing to learn is this:  creativity - whether it is writing or drawing, photography or dance - will not be controlled.  It does not like to be bottled or treated like the enemy.  In fact, the more I lean into this tension in my life, the more I realise is that creativity is actually the ally of life on the front line.  It is not only the pressure release valve, but a middle finger up to all of the mess in the world.  Being true to your own creativity amidst a chaotic world is a beautiful, honest, necessary thing.  Itis not a scramble to erase the dark stuff, but an opportunity to drown it out by adding to the beauty. And oh, how the world needs us to add more beauty.  

In the first episode of this season of Magic Lessons, Liz talks to Jo - a woman who from a really young age wanted to be a comedy writer - she wanted to make people laugh.  Somehow, Jo ended up doing a PhD in Holocaust Studies and became a feminist campaigner! Hilariously ironically the opposite of a comedic author.  It was so refreshing to listen in to their conversation as Jo explained how she had stifled this desire and how eventually, the stress and strain of her heavy work led to her being physically ill and hospitalised.  By denying her creativity, not allowing that part of her make-up to also shine, her own body was objecting.  How incredible.  Liz gently talked her through this process of how she needs to allow herself to be creative - not to push it down as frivolous but to see it as a gift to a hurting world.  I just love that.

I am finding my own way through this tension, saying yes to creative ventures, acknowledging that part of who I am.  I don't worry so much about how that part of me comes across anymore because I know that it's healthy.  I love that creativity and caring for the world don't have to be mutually exclusive ways of life.  They merge and blend and contribute to the fullness of a world that is desperate for both truth and beauty, for help and inspiration.

Maybe this is you too?  It would be great to hear what you think about this.  Are you being true to all the areas of your life that make you come alive?  How do you give yourself permission to be creative and light in a world that is heavy and dark?

This Is What a Feminist Looks Like - Men

Ah, the F-word.  What does it mean to you?  Does it make you angry, give you hope, make you want to roll your eyes?  Do you imagine suffragettes, heroes or just 'pushy' women?  Do you feel it's important, find it irritating or see it's seemingly never-ending need.  When the word 'feminism' is uttered, it conjures a strong reaction. I unashamedly consider myself a feminist.  There are not many people that know me that would question that or not know.  I am a feminist because I believe in equality, not in any gender powering over the other and until those scales of power and place and value are balanced, I will continue to call myself a feminist and be interested in and challenge why that balance is taking so long to come. (Phew, that could have gotten preachy...)

I'm raising a son to understand issues of equality early on, to challenge norms and think differently about limiting gender roles.  I'm also married to a man who is very tuned in to equality, to making sure that we are balanced in our roles at home and in family life but I'm not sure how many men really and truly would go as far as to calling themselves 'feminists' (except this guy.  And this guy.  Ok and this guy).  Maybe the label has been tarnished by an aggressive militant wing (aren't all labels tarnished by aggressive militant wings?), or maybe the term itself is on it's way out; maybe the language we have used around equality and gender doesn't fit anymore.

I'm not sure, but I thought it would be really interesting to hear from some men who do identify as 'feminists', so I have interviewed several great men, asking them 5 questions about their take on it all, why they chose to identify with the term and what it all means to them.

First up is my friend Lee.  Lee and I have lots of mutual friends and have 'known' each other for a long time even though we've only met a handful.  Lee and his amazing wife Emmah live in Liverpool and Lee (originally from here in NI) has his own business as a tour manager for musicians and various artists.  I also think Lee looks like a young Kevin Spacey.

Lee, tell everyone a bit about yourself - what you do, where you’re from etc.  

My name is Lee Mitchell, I am from Bangor in Northern Ireland and I play guitar…(that was the translation of part of my GCSE German Oral exam). I work in the music industry as a Tour Manager for various people. This means I have bursts of travelling then bursts of being at home which brings it’s own unique challenges and rewards!

Why do you consider yourself a feminist?  How did this come about?  Why are you not afraid of the term like most men (and a lot of women) seem to be?

I am a great believer in equality, in any shape or form. I believe in equal human rights and that all humans have the potential to be anything they want and achieve anything they want. Mostly our job as other humans is to not purposefully get in the way and if we can, help others fulfill their potential.

I’m not sure when I ‘branded’ myself a feminist I suppose… My wife is a ferocious believer in women’s rights, an off-shoot of her natural character to stand up for justice so I think with our conversations and as we have built our lives together its been more at the forefront of my mind. More things have been pointed out to me that maybe before I wouldn’t have consciously thought about.

I don’t see anything to fear when using the term 'feminist'. For me it’s simply anyone who believes women should have the same human rights as men. A no-brainer. The issue we have is that over the years there has been a perception that feminism means ‘man bashing’ which puts people off. It’s an unfortunate stance that is to the detriment of feminism and in my opinion, against the core values of it.

That's a huge point and really important to make clear.  So, what do you think are some of the biggest issues connected to gender inequality in the world today?

I think you could probably find issues in every aspect of life. The pay gap (around 10% less for women compared to their peers) and discrimination in the work place is a big one. The fact that in the top FTSE 100 companies, only 17% of board members are women is crazy. The thought and attitude that women either don’t deserve equal pay to their peers or don’t have the ability to reach the top of the ladder is obscene. You just can’t use the ‘time off work to have kids’ line as an excuse anymore.

Luckily I work in an industry that is full of women who are at the top of their game. Whether it’s in artist management, touring crew, artists themselves, promoters etc there are lots of amazing women in the music industry who are incredible.

In my opinion one of the most damaging things to women’s rights and values is the mainstream medias obsession with how women look and what they wear. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ and they have nailed making women compare themselves to one another. Until we as society start looking at women as more than what they wear, and more as who they are then we will constantly be fighting the battle for equality. It is up to us as men to ignore the media telling us how to view women as nothing more than an accessory in our lives. To start encouraging our wives, girlfriends, friends and daughters to fulfil their potential as human beings without the bullshit of worrying about fitting into a dress so they look good in a selfie. There is enough in life to worry about for both men and women without us adding to it.

Looking to the future, I also know that due to the nature of my job I will spend periods of time at home looking after our children. I don’t want that to be seen by society as ‘babysitting’. “Oh did daddy dress you today?” type questions make me very cross. If I want to dress my daughter in a sparkly silver blouse with a cowboy hat then I will. It doesn’t make me less of a parent.

I also think there’s a big danger in trying to fit children into gender boxes. If a boy wants to wear a dress during play then great, if a girl wants to play soldier then equally great. Who decided that blue was for boys and pink was for girls anyway?

Music to my ears!  Who are some of the women in your life or in society/history that you find fascinating or inspiring, and why?

My wife is a source of constant inspiration and encouragement. She is fierce when it comes to women being treated unfairly for no other reason than their gender. God help the man who tries to fit her in a box or tell her she can’t do anything because she’s a woman. It’s in her very blood and I’m grateful to her for never letting me think of people as less than they are. Thankfully, as a Primary School teacher she has chosen a profession that allows her to reach as high as she wants if the government don’t ruin education before she gets there. But that’s another rant for another time.

How do you think men can connect more to the feminist movement or in promoting equality?

I’m fairly sure the answer to this falls under the simple ‘don’t be an idiot’ category. It doesn’t mean as a business owner you start hiring only women in for the sake of it - that's not the point. It’s just about treating female job applicants the same as male applicants; go for the most qualified or suited for the job. It does, however, mean having a look at how you interact with and think about the females in your life.  Do you value their opinions as equal or do you perceive them as less than you?

What are some of the ways that you find yourself living out feminist values in your every day?  How does this look in your life?

I spend a lot of time off tour doing things that may be percieved traditionally as a woman's role. I do the dishes, I clean the house, cook dinner etc and I have no problem telling people that.  Other than what I've explained above, the biggest thing is having a mindset that is tuned in to equality and treating women fairly.

Ah Lee, it's so refreshing to hear such honest and empowering thoughts.  Thank you for standing with us and for us.

So tell me (male and female amongst us), what are your experiences or thoughts on feminism?  Do you find it intimidating, would you consider yourself one?  I'd love to hear!

Sukhi - Supporting Women Artisans!

I'm officially declaring this The Week of the Woman!  You heard it here first.  It seems only fitting - On Saturday Aly and I launched #motherhoodalive on instagram (holy moly, you guys are amazing - I am LOVING being part of this little community on there already), then it was Mother's Day, then it was International Women's Day, and in the midst of all of this, we are over halfway through the annual campaign of Fairtrade Fortnight, which although isn't specifically arranged to champion women, it is rooted in the same values that ensure the equal and fair treatment of some of the most vulnerable in the world - a vast majority of whom are female - so it's all connected, you see? The Week of the Woman - has a ring to it, no?

In light of this, I want to draw your eyes to a beautiful company I've been getting to know lately - Sukhi.  In Nepali, Sukhi means 'happy' and when you read about how much importance this company puts on making both the customer and the artisans that make their products happy and well cared for you will see that it's a good fit for a name!  Sukhi specialises in unique and beautifully hand crafted rugs - let me tell you more...

All of the rugs that you see on the site are made in country (Nepal, India, Morocco, Turkey) by local makers, mostly women.  What I've loved hearing about is the dignity the work gives - each maker gets paid 2 or 3x the local rate of pay in safe conditions and by buying the rugs directly with Sukhi, all the middle men and retailers are cut out so the customer gets a fairer price too.

The whole process of making their signature felt ball rugs is mesmerising and involves such incredible artistry.  I love that it's made with natural materials and dyes and you can really tell the pride of the makers by the quality you recieve. Watch this video to see what I mean...

I chose one of the traditional felt ball rugs in a marbled grey to go in our bedroom.  You can literally chose any colour, pattern and size for whatever you are after (fully customisable) but I wanted something soft and neutral to give a bit of warmth to our bare wooden floors.

The detail that goes into making these is so mind-boggling - approximately 5000 felt balls to make up one rug!  Bonkers.  Such craftsmanship and patience!

The texture of the rug is really soft on your feet - Levi is especially a fan! Anyone that's been in our bedroom since we got the rug has commented on how stunning it is - not that there are hoards of people all up in our bedroom, but you know!

What's also beautiful is that you get a little tag with your rug that lets you know the name of the woman who made it and if you go to the website, you can even send her a little message to thank her and share how much you love the rug!  It's little extra personal touches like this that bring us closer to the people who make our stuff - it's so important we remember and I can't help but want to support companies like Sukhi for endeavouring to shrink the gap between the maker and the customer.

I'm going to be supporting Sukhi on my sidebar this year - so if you are in the market for a new rug for anywhere in your home, make sure you click over and check out the variety they have knowing that you are directly supporting some amazingly talented women around the world when you do!

Thanks to Sukhi for sending us this rug to review - I love to support and spotlight companies that are in keeping with my values & ethics so all thoughts and words are genuinely my own. 

International Women's Day 2016

GAH - I just love International Women's Day. I love that we get to mark a day in the calendar to reflect on where we have been as women, look at what is still necessary for all women in the world to flourish and resolve to do more, be more, expect more in the years to come.

My workplace celebrated 10 years of marking IWD this year - a tradition started by my beautiful colleagues who run the Women's World Programme when the charity was just in it's infancy.  Even though I'm already on maternity leave, I wouldn't have missed it so I waddled down to spend the morning with over 100 women from dozens of nationalities who have somehow made their home here in our area.

That's me in the middle, caught in the act of gabbing away to my midwife friend about birth preferences and refusing unnecessary vaginal examinations...as you do.

But these women I spent the morning with.  These women are fierce.  They work, they contribute, they volunteer, they nurture, they resolve to thrive amidst the obvious and the silent challenges that living as an 'outsider' in an already polarised community brings.  Diversity is still a dirty word here.  We ate, we laughed, and we wept as we heard stories of these incredible women in our community who have overcome the most difficult things this year:  cancer, isolation, depression.  A grandmother now the primary care provider for her 3 grandchildren left behind after her daughter died tragically.  A mother who, only a couple of weeks after moving to Northern Ireland was attending English lessons when her two year old accidentally got caught in a blind cord at home and later passed away.

These women and their families have been extended the hand of welcome and friendship; of opportunity to painfully overcome with the support of our dedicated and compassionate teams at work, of generous local churches and of the kindness of individuals.  Such bravery.  It was a privilege to be there to honour them.

These WOMEN.  Their STORIES.  What COURAGE.

My friend Sharon reminds me that the small things are often the big things.

This years IWD theme is on 'pledging parity' - helping to move more quickly the divides and divisions that see and treat women as less than equal to men in so many facets of society.  When I see the audacity, tenderness and bravery of the women I have just mentioned, I am stirred up by the potential for women to continue to change the world because they already are.  They are standing in the gap, they are showing up and they are making things happen.  Their bravery, the sharing and acknowledgement of their stories is part of that pledge, it is bridging that divide.

For me, this pledge starts at home - in conversations with my four year old boy, as we model and discuss the value and abilities of women and girls. Through toys and stories and colours and conversations we are gently showing him - both Dave and I.

It continues in our marriage - in working things out together, being a team, having equal say in all decisions, modelling that there is no boss in our family but that we all mutually try to put each other first, championing each other's successes and dreams - dancing the dance of making sure everyones needs are met (this, the very heart of #motherhoodalive).

It then bleeds out into work, hobbies, friendships, how the communities around me are being built: everything to make sure that the voices, the stories, the plights and the successes of women are seen and heard in our homes, our communities and around the world.

So tell me, how can you pledge for parity in your family?  What ways are you seeing women championed that stirs you up?  What would you love to see changed for women in your own community and how can we do it together?  I'd love to hear from you!  I'm also linking up with Lulastic's IWD Blog Link Up, so if you want to read more from some awesome kick-ass women writers, do make sure to head over there for a good round up!