OPERATING FROM A PLACE OF REST

I love to work hard. I love to bring ideas to life and to dream and scheme and do. 

This is a huge part of my make-up and personality. My brain is wired for action and ideas and this is a gift to me, I know that. I get huge fulfilment from the 'doing' but lately I've been on a path of learning the importance of rest; but maybe not rest as I once knew it.

Our culture isn't a big promoter of rest is it? We are often encouraged to hustle, to do more, have more, be more. Work harder, faster, stronger, longer - achieve achieve achieve.  On the other hand, rest can sometimes sounds like this elusive thing that is only ever achievable if you have no responsibilities or ambition. Jobs can be relentless. Parenting can be relentless. Is it really a case of either working hard and resting hard? I don't think either of these binary ways of thinking are helpful or healthy. There is burn-out waiting around the corner and rest happening from a place of burn out is not rest. It is recovery. I don't know about you but I don't want to recover from my life. 

Rest doesn't always sound very exciting either does it? Maybe for you it sounds like stopping or waiting or hesitation and maybe even for some of us - weakness. 

I've had a bit of an awakening to what rest looks like for me - a bit of a stirring of realisation.

Ethically made, toasty wool slippers c/o Baabuk. Couldn't be without them. (Use 'Melanie10' for discount if you want to grab yourself a pair)

I'm starting to wonder if rest is even something that you necessarily have to 'do' - you have a busy season in work or home life and then you take a period to rest. That feels too cyclic for me; too up and down. I have been on this very train a thousand times and it doesn't feel good any more. So now I wonder if rest is something that you can inhabit rather than do. I wonder if rest is actually a state that you can embrace and operate from rather than resort to. I wonder if it's less about stopping but is actually about adopting a different way of moving in the world that is less frantic, fearful and unnecessarily busy. Isn't that something we are all craving? 

Here's what operating from a place of rest might actually mean for us:

- saying no to things that aren't the most important so you can have space do what you love.

- only posting on social media when you have something of value to offer - not because you are afraid of being forgotten about. 

- not getting distracted by what other people are doing - being really clear about what your goals, your desires and your ambitions are.

- scheduling in time to do things that nourish you. 

- not apologising if you haven't gotten back to someone right away. There are no less than 15 ways that people can get hold of us these days - it's not OK to feel obliged to respond all of the time.

- doing things you love without thinking about how productive is it (this is one I struggle with a lot).

- not feeling guilty when you do nothing because your body is telling you not to.

- not feeling guilty when you are working or playing hard because you love what you are doing and you have the energy to do it.

- having more clarity about who you are, who is important to you, what you really love to do instead of moving from one thing, person, task to the next because of fear or obligation.

I recognise that the term 'rest' comes with some baggage and might seem idealistic - life has demands and comes with responsibility so this isn't about switching off from that but about having healthy boundaries, understanding how you operate best as a person and moving in the world from a place of self-support. 

If you are picking up what I'm laying down here and this feels like something you are craving here are some questions/tips that you can begin to mull:

1) What are the pain-points in your life that leave you feeling frantic, fearful or frustrated? Identify three things and jot them down - the act of writing these down instead of having them in your head can be really powerful when it comes to remembering those triggers for you. Is it over-consuming social media that leaves you frantic? Is it a relationship that you know isn't good for your soul? Is it a responsibility in the home that you need to ask for help with?

2) What are the things that give you most fulfilment - when you feel most alive, energised, like yourself, at peace or supported? Again - write them down. How much space have you prioritised in your life for these things? Time is a choice and we have the power to fill our lives with the things that deserve to be there. 

3) What other intentional things can you filter into your life to feel like you are supporting yourself well? My friend Hannah talked beautifully on a podcast with Sas Petherick recently about how she supports herself through bouts of anxiety. It's a hugely important conversation and Hannah is so wise about how she views rest etc. Listen here for some of her tips.

As always, I'd really love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you found a way to operate from a place of rest in your life? Does it seem unachievable in our modern age? 

INTRODUCING... ASSEMBLY SESSIONS

If you've been around this space for a while you will know that for the last year and a half I have been organising a new venture: Assembly Gatherings. These gatherings have been really significant for me - a real medley of all the things I love to do (outside of my work and home life) - organise, bring ideas to life, connect amazing women, help make spaces beautiful, get creative and work with talented creative women. EAT.

Almost 100 women have been part of Assembly Gatherings in the last 18 months and I'm really grateful for how it has developed and grown. This is largely because of the women that attend. They are openhearted and warm and they truly get it. 

At the beginning of the year I asked these women for their feedback - to help me to shape the future of Assembly because I felt like it was becoming an important feature in my life and in some of theirs and I want it to serve us all well. Assembly, above all the beautiful food, styling and workshops, is about giving women essential space to meet kindred creative spirits, to collaborate and learn. And the feedback was that they wanted more of that - more opportunities to truly connect - to really dig in and share. 

I don't know about you but my creativity needs midwifery. There is not a creative process that I've been through - whether launching a blog, a charity project, an online course, or any other idea that I haven't needed the advice, support and cheering on of other women. I think a lot of us realise we need this. We aren't made to work in silos, slogging it out on our own. We are made for creativity in community - to be around women who can help us birth our ideas by listening, advising, helping and sharing.  

All of this to say that I want to tell you what's next for Assembly!

Assembly Sessions are smaller (25 people max), more intimate events for women really wanting to dig into their creative space and find supportive community. They are more frequent than our big, banquet all-day style Gatherings but give more space for sharing and getting to know other like-minded women. Sessions are where we dig in, Gatherings are where we celebrate. 

Assembly Sessions will run four times a year, will be stripped back but have the same beautiful Assembly identity of food and gathering in beautiful spaces and will be focused on both the inner work of being a creative and some of the practical skills that can see our pursuits flourish.  These are not business networks or formal forums - these are safe spaces for soulful creatives to bring out the best in each other.

I'm excited to tell you that our first Assembly Session will be happening next month! Together we are going to unpack the some of the things that hold us back in our creative lives - either in our professions, hobbies or other creative pursuits. This is such an important topic to shine a light on because every single one of us have fears and niggling voices of criticism in our heads that we allow to dictate how we show up in the world. This Session is going to help us manage this and unearth the tools we already have to be brave and wise.

Here are more details: 

SESSION 1
'FACE THE FEAR - DO IT ANYWAY' 

SATURDAY, 3RD MARCH  2pm - 6pm (late lunch included)
COST: £50

BLICK STUDIOS - MALONE ROAD, BELFAST
 

SESSION INCLUDES:

+ Lavish late lunch buffet banquet by the incredible Lorna, from Tacacucina.  

+ Breathing & body connection exercises with yoga teacher Oonagh Todd.

+ Reflective workshop led by me: Unpacking the voices that hold you back & taming the inner critic. Finding and connecting to your own true voice of wisdom. 

+ We will be led in reflection and visualisation exercises and we will have the opportunity to unpack our thoughts around these important areas of our creative lives through journalling and group discussion. Journals and other goodies provided!
 

THIS SESSION IS FOR YOU IF:

+ you want to feel more empowered in your creative journey. 

+ you are tired of letting fear and negative voices in your head hold you back from flourishing.

+ you feel stuck or unsure if your contributions are worth anything in the creative realm.

+ you want to reconnect to the calm wisdom that you have inside you.

+ you desire to make space for nourishing your body and soul.

+ you want to be inspired by & connected to other like-minded women.

If any of these things are true for you - this is your time!

I have a real feeling that this is the beginning of seeing women support and cheer each other on each other like never before - of being generous with each other, modelling a new way of being creative in community. I would so love you to be a part of this so if you have any questions, please let me know. Don't forget - spaces are limited (quite a few places have already gone!) so don't wait around - our last event sold out within 12 hours...

Can't wait to see you there!

ASSEMBLY FESTIVE GATHERING

Our final Assembly Gathering of 2017 has come and gone. On Sunday afternoon 35 of us huddled around campfires, dined on delicious local food, foraged in the freezing sunlight and forged new friendships. 

With ice and snow covering most of the country over the weekend, it felt like madness to be hosting a dinner and workshops in a stone barn at the beautiful property of Laura & Ben in Downpatrick. Miraculously though, the sun came out as people were arriving and it wasn't long before we forgot about the cold and immersed ourselves in conversations, food and making. We forgot about the cold. We forgot about the cold. Maybe if I write it a few more times it will be true. It was cold. 

A year into running Assembly Gatherings has taught me a lot about the power of female resilience; of the wide open hearts of women who want to connect. Each time we have a gathering it feels like we are steadily building an army of supportive women, ready to propel and promote each other. I can feel it in my bones and see it in the way people are connecting both online and in person.

Once everyone arrived safely and the ice (literally and figuratively) had been broken, we headed into the barn for lunch which Grace and I had set up and Grace styled beautifully as our dining spot (big thanks to the lovely Laura for also helping out, and to Linen Me for the gorgeous linen table napkins). Our host Laura (who runs the gorgeous tipi venue Finnebrogue Woods) had been busy cooking up the most incredible meal for us in her kitchen down below the barn.  We feasted on moroccan roasted chickpeas, carrots and feta to start, steamy hot beef and prune tagine (with Dexter beef - one of Laura's family businesses) and finished off with the most glorious Nearynogs chocolate and salted caramel tart that you ever did taste. We tucked in, poured the wine and Long Meadow cider and the room was filled with chatter and warmth. 

It was so much fun to put together the gift bags for everyone with some beautiful ethical and local treats. We had stunning prints from some of the amazing female artists that were in attendence - Lisa from White Chalk Studio and Paula McGurdy .  We were also treated to some cozy socks from Thought Clothing, rich spiced hand cream from Green People and all natural calm balm from local maker A Blissful Blend. 

After lunch we split up and did some workshops. One half off to the forest to gather greenery for wreath making with Janice from Gathered Threads and the other half huddled into the back room of the barn to roll truffles and learn about bean to bar chocolate making from Northern Irelands only stoneground chocolate makers - Nearynogs! 

Lauras property spans over fields and woodland and with the afternoon sunlight fading, we felt like we were in Narnia...

Meanwhite back in the barn, Dot and Erin were leading us in a chocolate tasting session, sharing about their family business and giving us truffles to roll and take home. 

Can you even get over how beautiful these images are? Sheesh. Kat Mervyn captured the day perfectly for us and I'm so grateful. Kat is not only a mega talent behind the lens, but also makes me howl every time she opens her mouth. 

Thanks so much to everyone who braved the snow and ice to come and spend the day together and the wonderful team of women who helped to make it happen. I am keen to develop Assembly in the coming year - to see how we can really bolster support for creative women here in Northern Ireland and use the big pool of female talent here to learn from.  

Here's to Assembly Gatherings 2018!

CREATIVITY & COURAGE

A couple of months ago my lovely pal Emma (Life At The Little Wood) asked if I would speak at the Blog Retreat she was hosting for all of us bloggy/grammy types here in Northern Ireland. It was pitched as a pretty small affair to begin with so I, of course, said I would.  Then everyone wanted to come and it turned into a 140 people full on event at the incredibly beautiful Larchfield Estate! That's what happens when someone like Emma starts a ball rollin. She brings in the fold.

Public speaking is something I do a lot of in my work with Freedom Acts. Usually not a week goes by where I'm not speaking in front of a small or a big crowd of people about trafficking and exploitation. I still get nervous about it, but it's definitely something I'm well versed in now. But to talk about blogging and creativity - sheesh. That felt different. A little less factual, a little more personal. To be honest, my September leading up to the blog event had been an absolute stress-fest. I had been launching a big campaign for Freedom Acts, re-writing our entire website, writing scripts for 6 promo videos and putting together a brand new resource for our 5 year celebration event. I was also delivering my Eco Family Living course to a full intake of amazing people online which was making me so happy but so tired! That's why it might have gone a bit quiet round these parts lately. 

I am the Queen of taking too much on. Except without the crown of a Queen or the minions to delegate to and run after me. I kind of thrive on achievement and getting stuff done but I learned some hard lessons in September about pacing myself and being wise.

Emma had asked me to speak about developing creativity and when I sat down to write what I wanted to say, I felt like I couldn't talk about creativity without talking about courage - so that's what I did. I brought along a little book I wrote when I was eight years old that I had recently found at my parents house. Finding it reminded me how creativity as a child is so innate, so free. I showed the room my book; in all its eight year old Mel glory with wild pictures and storylines and carefree imagination. I wanted to remind the room of the courage it takes to be creative as an adult and I shared three things that I thought would help to bring that child-like courage out of us again. I'm sharing it here again as a reminder to myself and to you.

That sure is a big room full of bloggers! Photo credit to the beautiful @mylittleduke

I want to use this space to give you permission to reconnect with your creativity -  to acknowledge and own your own creative voice. Maybe you don’t think you have one. Maybe you feel like a fraud when it comes to creativity. Maybe you have creativity bubbling up inside you but you don’t know where to start. Maybe you feel overwhelmed with the idea of putting your ideas and thoughts and creativity out there because you don’t feel like you’re bloggy enough. Or important enough. Or good enough.

Those are super normal feelings to have but they are also mindsets that block our creativity and end up making us feel paralysed and so we do nothing, consume other peoples creativity and push ours further down. Here are three ways we can tackle these mindset blocks and hopefully feel more free, more able to unleash our creativity with authority and clarity.

FIND YOUR NICHE

What is it that you really love to write or do or share about? Not what you think you should write about because that’s what a style blogger or a parenting blogger or a lifestyle blogger writes about – what do you love? The most authentic writing or making comes from a place of passion about what you are writing or doing. One of the mantras I have for myself when it comes to writing is ‘write the blog you would want to read’.

I’ve written many blog posts where my heart just wasn’t in it but I did it because I felt like I needed to write something, or because I didn’t want people to forget about my blog. It has taken me a long time to figure out this formula of a niche for me, and it has changed a lot over time but once I did – it really helped me to align my blog and all my other creative endeavours well. My niche centres around ethical living, motherhood and creativity. Those are my 3 focus points – pretty much everything I write or do connects to those things. Because of this, people know what they are getting when they come to read my blog, when they buy one of my online courses/resources or come to one of my events. As you work this out, slowly you begin to find your audience, your support network, your people. These focuses can change over time, sure – we are allowed to evolve in our interests and write or do things in the margins of our lives and you don’t even need to declare your niche to the world but to unlock your creativity, it might help to write down 3 or 4 topics, areas or focuses that you want to connect to and let your creativity flow from there. Sometimes boundaries can be seen as a bad thing, but in a world where possibilities or paths are endless, often having a way marked out that really fits your passions can help you navigate the work that you want to do well. 

TAKE UP YOUR SPACE

In my last blog post I talked about ‘Taking Up Your Space’ and I want to reiterate that again.  If you feel like it’s all been said, that there is no room for your voice, that the creative market is saturated – that’s very normal. But I want to tell you that it’s not true.

Just because 100 other bloggers have written about the toddler years, this seasons make up trends, recipes for busy parents, the journey of grief or the best box sets of all time does not mean the table is full. There is always room for more, and more importantly – for YOUR voice. No one else will talk about these things in the candour and point of view that you have and the likelihood is that someone will connect with how you see things. Your voice is important. I'll use my favourite Brene Brown quote on unused creativity again:

“Unused creativity is not benign. It metastasizes. It turns into grief, rage, judgement, sorrow, shame.”

Brene says “There’s no such thing as creative people, and non-creative people. There are only people who use their creativity and people who don’t. Unused creativity doesn’t just disappear. It lives within us until it’s expressed, neglected to death, or suffocated by resentment and fear.”

Use your creativity before it eats you up – take up your space.

COMMUNITY OVER COMPARISON

This leads me on to my last point; the most crippling to our creativity. Comparison. Sure – it’s the thief of joy – but it’s also the thief of creativity. When we spend our lives looking around at who is doing it better, getting more opportunities or writing and doing things we wish we had written or done we are putting up walls to our creativity. We are blocking it into a tiny space.

Stay your track, do your best work, support the community you want to be a part of and be inspired. More than that – make friends with the people who inspire you – not to copy what they do, but to be inspired, to learn from them and to grow. Get to know them – be their champion – turn that comparison into community. Nobody’s creativity blooms well when they are busy looking around in jealousy, judgement or regret. In fact, it shrivels.

And lastly, I want you to think of your creativity as a muscle you need to courageously flex and we do that by keeping going and putting our brave selves into the world. By honing in on our niche, by taking up our space and by being inspired to build community with each other we can flourish and find that creative freedom.