It's the most talked about parenting 'thing'. Tiredness. We're all perpetually tired and in charge of little lives. It's life on the edge, folks. I've even stopped trying to reassure my friends that don't yet have kids that it's not as tiring as it seems 'cause I don't want to be a liar like that. It is. They should know.
image via pinterest
In Tina Fey's book 'Bossypants' (which you can and should buy here) she has a chapter on motherhood entitled 'There's a Drunk Midget in my House'. In this excerpt she humorously advises how tired parents can get some of that all-important me-time. Here are some of her tips:
- Go to the bathroom a lot. - Offer to empty the dishwasher. - Take ninety-minute showers. (If you only shower every three or four days, it will be easier to get away with this.) - Say you're going to look for diaper cream, then go into your child's room and just stand there until your spouse comes in and curtly says, "What are you doing??" - Stand over the sink and eat the rest of your child's dinner while he or she pulls at your pant leg and asks for it back. - Try to establish that you're the only one in your family allowed to go to the post office.
The list goes on, it's very funny.
So in these wintery, miserable indoor days (whatever, Southern hemisphere people), I thought we could do with a cheer-up. I want this post to assure all the parents out there of our common, zombie-like actions with this light-hearted insight. In a bid to make us all feel less alone in our sleep-deprivation, here are some endings to the ever-amusing statement:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A TIRED PARENT WHEN.... (I'll go first)
- you try to put your kids coat on in a rush out the door for school.
- you mix your gin & tonic in a yellow plastic ikea cup
- you accidentally say 'ta-ta' to the cashier at Tesco when she gives you your change & reciept.
- you stand outside your childs bedroom to listen in while they sleep and when you don't hear anything you weigh up: going in and risk waking them up or standing for a longer time until you hear anything that sounds like them breathing. The ridiculous logic of this is not lost on you. You can't hear them breathing so you just WAIT A LITTLE LONGER?!
- there are just random coins littered all over your house. They never make their way back to a purse or wallet because you're too tired for that kind of organisation. They just get moved around, into pockets/out of pockets, back onto the floor.
I reached out to twitter & fb friends for some more of their tired-parent adventures and their responses were quick (probably posted their responses in that window of time between 'child is finally asleep' and 'I've fallen asleep in the middle of an enthralling episode of my favourite box-set') and they made me howl with laughter and solidarity.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A TIRED PARENT WHEN.... (Your turn)
- you put the iron away in the fridge.
- you fall asleep while putting your kids to bed.
- you wear your glasses in the shower and don't notice until you can no longer see.
- you scoop ground coffee into the kettle.
- as soon as your child is asleep you start to wonder 'how early is too early to go to bed'.
- you offer to do all the chores if only your partner will do the night shift.
- you put your child in the bath with his socks still on. (this came up twice!)
- you skip every other page of the bedtime story to get through it quicker.
- you try to drink out of a water bottle from the bottom end.
- you take one child to the loo in the night and the other one says "it's me mummy not her".
- you enjoy getting out to a dentist appointment and nearly fall asleep in the dentist chair! (YES to this - same goes for hairdresser, doctors or any other appointment)
- you consider gin as a viable dinner option.
- when you plug in the handmixer to iron your clothes...
- when you make yourself a cup of tea and forget to boil the kettle.
- you throw a fork in the bin and rubbish in the sink.
I hope you nodded along & laughed as much as I did reading these. I'd love to hear what else you would add to the end of that sentence...?
We're in this together, zombie parents. We can do this.
image via Southwood Stores (where I really soon will be buying this very sweatshirt)