THE TRUTH ABOUT BEING AN INFLUENCER
I don't know how long you’ve been following along in terms of the work that I do or what I share, but if you were around pre-pandemic, you may have seen that I had a little bit of time where I was exploring the idea of influence. I went on a bit of a quest to explore what it means in culture today; to break open the word and dig out all the flesh that we have put around it and try to find out what is at its core – the real juicy stuff.
And I got somewhere with it. Somewhere surprising. It was exciting to lift the layers and see what’s underneath all the trappings of influence that we have created for ourselves. (sidenote: what we have created - not wonderful)
You see, for the majority of my early career I was involved in activism work. Working with charities, running charity projects, advocating, lobbying, creating movements for change. I’ve met people along the way that have shaped my idea of influence while working in that world. I’ve witnessed a hunger for influence in the social justice sphere and been fascinated at how the power dynamics work when working for systemic change. I’ve seen what it takes for shifts to happen in the policy room or the campaign planning session; how influence is used – in healthy and unhealthy ways. Yes. The non-profit sector is not always healthy. Activism is not always healthy. Crazy, right? Imagine.
And then of course in the last several years I’ve also been building my own business, one that largely operates online. And I believe that my business holds closely the same values as my non-profit work – empowering, advocating and opening conversations about systemic issues that have held women and girls back and creating connections so they can flourish – but this time my medium for this work has changed. I’ve been immersed in the world of social media, working to have my message heard there, connecting with others who are doing the same. And I’ve noticed that to have influence in this sphere requires very different trappings and associations and what is held up as influential when it comes to the online world has sometimes left a lot to desire. For me, anyway.
Both of these worlds have been fascinating to be part of and what influence looks like and what it takes to acquire it are very contrasting from one to the other. Not better. Not more effective. Just different.
In one world, influence is largely about who you know at the top.
In the other world, influence is largely about how many people are looking.
In one world, influence is about needing to be an expert in your field.
In the other world, influence can be gained by staging expertise or being the loudest in the room.
In one world, influence is mastered by having firm boundaries.
In the other world, influence is largely gained by blurred personal/private lines.
There are so many contrasts to it all.
How does influence work so differently in one area to another?
Are there common threads that run through both?
A couple of years back while I was exploring this more deeply, I asked my friends on Instagram to think about who has truly been influential in their lives. I wanted to know what the top qualities of that person were that made them so significantly influential to them.
The answers to this came in thick and fast and it would seem that the people who have been incredible influences on our lives are quite close to our minds, easy to recount.
I paid close attention to the responses and what fascinated me was that there were some recurring themes. Themes that I spent some time sorting through to make sense of.
What occurred to me in sifting through this all, these personal lived experiences of being influenced by someone else is that influence isn’t actually about what happens on the outside.
Influence seems to be an inside job.
Being a person of influence isn’t something that you can cajole or project - it’s an inner work that makes it’s way out and seems to have depth to it that makes it last a long time..
As I looked through all the data and the interviews and research I did back then, I thought it would be encourage to share with you some of the life-changing things that emerged in my findings about the inside out idea of influence. You may want to make notes for this one. Be challenged and hopeful.
Influence isn’t actually about outer platforms – it’s about an inner posture.
People shared with me about their secondary school teachers, their grandparents, their foster mums, their neighbours who didnt necessarily have some sort of wild following or fame, but their inner landscape was so rich and magnetic that it left a lasting impact on them. It inspired them or comforted them so much so that they hold that person in such high regard as someone who continues to influence how they live their lives and show up for others.
Influence isn’t about momentary notoriety – it’s about long-term dedication.
Often these stories about people who have been influential were about long term witnessing of integrity. There was no real fan fare but a deep knowledge of someone being a consistent and steady presence.
Influence isn’t about power – it’s about contribution.
All of these people mentioned as being influential seemed to have some sort of willingness to contribute with intention. They seemed to recognise their significance in the relationship and wanted to add value to other peoples lives. It never came up that someone was influential because they had power or because they could get them further up a ladder - it was about an investment in the wellbeing of the persons life.
Influence isn’t about reach, it’s about depth.
Integrity plays a big part here. Those reflections were often about admiring the persons responses to difficulties in life and learning from that example. It wasn’t about how many people loved them, it was about the depth of character that they could see and feel.
Influence isn’t about accumulation, it’s about generosity.
Similarly, there was a huge amount of generosity mentioned in these interviews and responses - the people that had great influence tended to be those that, wether wealthy or not - were generous with their time, generous in their relationship. And that seemed to count for a lot more.
Influence isn’t about perfecting who we are, it’s about becoming who we are.
No one claimed these people to be perfect - and in some instances, there was discussion of how the person actually had changed over time or transformed in a way from situations of difficulty and chaos into creating a life that was meaningful and had purpose. There was never any illusion that they were perfect people or that that was even important, but that they could see their evolution as inspiring.
Influence isn’t about striving, it’s about ease.
I heard phrases like ‘they had a peaceful presence’ or they were a safe space, which felt like an important thing to note - it seems like people of true lasting influence are not always striving or trying to earn their place - they seem to be able to be present and a true person of calm.
These are life-changing truths because they tip our cultures idea of influence on it’s head.
I would love for this definition of influence - the ones that have emerged based on the stories of real people I heard about, to be the new rebrand of the word. I love that this definition means that we don’t have to wait for numbers and figures to have an impact. We don’t have to show up perfectly or expertly or loudly. We don’t have to wait for some sort of status. We get to have an impact on people now - we get to influence each other now.. We get to do the inner work that brings integrity back into a world that so badly needs some now. This could just be the relief we all need to keep perspective in a world that can be so loud, so distracted by shiny things.
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